Grief and financial planning are connected. When one parent dies, the surviving partner is often left trying to cope emotionally, practically, and financially all at once. And when both parents die, unresolved family hurts, confusion, and difficult money conversations can place enormous strain on families.
Here I share practical conversations that can help families prepare emotionally and financially, reduce unnecessary conflict, and create greater understanding around inheritance, wishes, and care.
We spend so much time planning for life that we often avoid planning for death. None of us wants to imagine a future without the people we love most, but avoiding these conversations can leave families carrying confusion, hurt, and conflict at a time they are already grieving.
One of the greatest gifts families can give one another is clarity, communication, and peace of mind. A legacy is never just financial; it’s also the emotional experience a family carries after a death.
Here are some of the important conversations families should have while they still can.
- Make sure someone knows where everything is
In many families, especially the older generations, one person manages most of the finances and documentation. When that person dies, the surviving partner and children are often left overwhelmed and unsure where to begin.
Someone in the family should know:
• where the original, updated will is kept
• where important documents are stored
• the details of bank accounts, investments, insurance, and debts
• how to access passwords and online accounts
• who the financial planner, attorney, and accountant are - Talk about liquidity and access to money
One conversation families often overlook is how the surviving spouse or family members will access money immediately after a death. If all assets and accounts are in one spouse’s name, accounts may be frozen temporarily during the estate process. This can create enormous stress for the surviving partner and/or children.
Both partners should have access to money in their own names and understand how the household finances work. - Discuss the will openly
Many families never discuss wills or inheritance until after someone dies. You do not need to discuss every detail, but open conversations about intentions, fairness, and responsibilities can prevent significant misunderstandings later. - Talk about wishes and intentions
A letter of wishes can be enormously helpful. This is a non-binding document that sits alongside a will and explains someone’s wishes, thoughts, and intentions more personally. It can help families understand the emotional meaning behind certain decisions and reduce unnecessary conflict. Valuable or sentimental items such as jewellery, photographs, recipes, ornaments, letters, artwork, or clothing can also be allocated to specific people. - Speak about end-of-life wishes
A living will allows someone to record their wishes regarding medical treatment and end-of-life care if they are no longer able to communicate those decisions. It may also include organ donation wishes. - Know who to turn to
Family members may have different financial planners, but when everyone knows who to contact and where to turn for support, it can make an overwhelming time feel far more manageable. Having an existing relationship with a planner can provide reassurance, structure, and support during a very overwhelming time.
Preparing for death is about caring for the people you love while you are still able to guide, reassure, and support them.
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