Why you feel stuck with money – and what may be causing it

After working with clients for many years, I’ve realised that the stories we tell ourselves about money are often like old songs we play on repeat. It’s almost like a radio station in your head, feeding you the same message over and over again, and most of the time you’re not even aware that it’s there.

When your thinking feels scattered

Have you ever noticed how your thinking changes when life feels stressful or uncertain?

You may find yourself going around in circles, delaying decisions you know you need to make, or avoiding your finances altogether because it feels easier not to look too closely. In some cases, you make decisions too quickly, simply to move things along.

This is often when we make our worst financial decisions. When you’re under pressure, your thinking isn’t always clear, and your decisions tend to reflect that.

Feeling stuck with money

More often than not, feeling stuck with money has a lot to do with your relationship with it, and specifically, the beliefs and habits shaped over many years.

These beliefs are influenced by what you were told about money growing up, what you observed in your family, and the experiences you’ve had along the way. They sit below the surface, but they influence your decisions far more than you realise.

I see this often when clients come into my office. Elsa shared with me that she grew up watching her mother carefully track every cent, always worried about running out of money. Today, she has built up meaningful savings, yet she still lives with that same underlying fear that she won’t have enough. She calls it her ‘scarcity complex.’

Another client was raised to believe that saving is everything and that spending is something to avoid. Even now, she struggles to spend money on herself, despite being financially secure. You can see how this could impact her dreams and her ability to live fully.

I also worked with a client whose father taught him that hard work is the only way to earn money. Today, at 75, he is still working hard, driven by the belief that if he is not working, he is not valuable.

These patterns don’t come from nowhere. They are part of the story you’ve been telling yourself about money, often for many years.

Why these patterns repeat

The challenge is that these stories operate almost automatically. You may believe that you are making independent, rational decisions, but in reality, many of your choices are shaped by patterns that were formed long ago. That is why the same outcomes tend to repeat themselves, even when you want something different.

This is where change begins

The starting point for change is to become aware of the story.

What do you believe about money?

Write your beliefs down.

Here are some of the statements I often hear:

I can only begin to enjoy my life when I retire; it’s too late for me – I will never be financially secure; I would be happier if I had more money; I am not capable or worthy of money; I use money to gain love; money is a controlling tool; talking about money is bad; I’ll never have enough.

Now, take a moment to reflect:

When did you first learn this?
Who did you learn it from?
How has it shaped the choices you’ve made?
And perhaps most importantly, is it still serving you today?

This is where the work begins. It is a process of refining, reflecting, and, where necessary, correcting what no longer fits.

Small shifts that create movement

As you begin to notice your patterns, small changes become possible.

You may begin to question a belief that has been holding you back.
You may choose to engage with your money in a more intentional way.
And you may start making decisions that better support the life you want to live.

The reality is that if you continue to believe the same story, it will continue to shape your life in the same way. Limiting money beliefs can get in the way of your financial freedom and hold you back from living the life you’re capable of creating.